I love potty humor.
I love potty humor.
One of my favorite subjects is sex. Soft sex, hard sex, light sex, dark sex, explicit sex, and fluffy bunnies and fairytale sex. I’ve written about it extensively for 12 years professionally…before that unprofessionally. Whatever that means.
Since I got pregnant last year there wasn’t a whole lot of sex — having it or writing it. So I am a bit rusty, or shall we say dry?
Ew no, we shouldn’t say dry.
So lately, things turn me on that are a little out of the norm.
My husband shaved and when he was done there was hardly a trace of his whiskers on this sink.
In the past the only kind of hair removal that make me excited was when I would have my bikini waxed.
It wasn’t the act of waxing that was sexy, of course, it was the result.
Now I’m turned on by my husband’s cleanliness during his intimate encounter with his razor.
Since I’ve gone back to work, I’ve been a pumping machine!
I pump at work. I pump when I get home from work if my timing is off. And I pump on weekends to keep up with my freezer stash.
OK, that’s kind of a lie. I often conveniently forget to pump on weekends.
For all the other times I pump, this is what I do to pass the time. And yes, my pump is the hands-free Medela pump — the Mercedes of nipple suckers.
-Look online for clothes I want to buy…for myself and babies.
-Catch up on my shows on dvr.
-Send photos I took with my phone to flickr.
-Wonder if the sound of the pump can be heard from the hall when I pump at work.
-Refresh my makeup.
-Think of blog posts…like this one.
-Wonder if I will show self restraint with the brownie mix waiting to be made in my cabinet.
-Have concern over my nipples being stretched.
-Feel like a cow. The machine even sounds like it’s mooing.
-Recall the days when my teets were for sexual excitement.
-Realize I’m slouching and try to work on my poor posture.
-Think wow only 5 minutes have passed since I hooked myself up to this thing!
-Wish I had those brownies.