Now that I'm a mom...

I'm softer now and not just around the middle.

I'm back to work now...transition is hard. I miss my little ones.

One of my first posts I wrote at work is called Now That I'm a Mom.

Tears welled in my eyes when I wrote it.

Check it out...

The twins' nursery

My most favorite place in the house is the nursery. The babies don't even sleep in it yet since they are in the co-sleeper in our bedroom, but we do spend time in there for some daytime naps, reading, rocking in the glider, and of course, diaper changes.

We live in a loft-like apartment -- there aren't walls to separate rooms, so we bought wardrobe closets from IKEA to act like walls and I stapled fabric to the back of one so it looked pretty. Crafty!

We have these crazy big windows and I made curtains out of fabric, too -- much more cost effective. Sadly the windows don't look out to the prettiest of landscapes, but it's great for people watching...or watching people walk to the subway or waiting for the bus...and the eyesore that is the elevated subway platform in Brooklyn.

When we first moved in and people needed to find my apartment, I'd just say get off the subway, look across the street for big windows with colorful curtains, and that's my house.

The sun rises outside those windows and the light that comes in is kind of the most beautiful light shining in ever.

The set of four graphic prints were made by my friend Diane Ferrera. And the keys were made by another friend, Michelle Eddison, aka, Mommy Making Prints. The animals dressed up are by Ryan Berkley -- he's not a friend, but only because I don't know him...I just liked his work.

My last maternity leave morning

Today is my last day of maternity leave and I'm so happy that it started out sunny.

Each morning, after my husband leaves for work, I have quiet time with the twins. My bedroom gets the morning sun and the the light that comes through when the sky is clear is really beautiful.

After I nurse the babies, we just hang out in the bed. This is the one feeding that they never seem to be fussy after.

Hunter loves looking around giving me tons of expressions with his eyes.

Penelope looks at the designs on our curtains, cooing and making these little excited pot belly pig sounds.

I get gummy smiles and hear their little voices -- "ah ah ah," they both say.

I take pictures with my phone and send them to my mom.

I tell H & P what our plans are for the day. They seem very interested.

I hold their little hands, watch their legs and feet wiggle.

I notice the changes in them that seem to happen each day.

It's been the most amazing 12 weeks of my life.

Vacation pics

We embarked on our first family vacation!

It was four days at my parents' house.

What?!

OK, the parents were away, and they live in upstate NY where the air is fresh and life is a bit more baby friendly. Ah the country!

You know, big malls, restaurants that fit double strollers, homes that don't have three flights of stairs to get into.

Hunter's hair seemed to grow overnight.

It was a chance for daddy to spend time with us without having to work and for me to enjoy my last weekend before my maternity leave ends.




We went to Target and bought the babies a play mat and also went to Walmart and found Dale Earnhardt Jr. onesies for them to wear on race day.

Hung out with my friends Tina and Terumi, who have four kids between them, and talked mommy stuff.

Had a visit with Mike and Michelle and their 7 month old cutie Jillian and exchanged new parent stories.

Visited with mom-to-be Gina who is due on March 15th with her first baby, a girl, she is naming Josephine. Love that name -- it's also my mom's name.

I didn't want to leave.

We're back in Brooklyn, daddy's back at work, I'm watching the snow fall, while the babies are napping.

I want to be a country girl.

We hired a nanny

Once upon a time I thought nannies were only for rich people.

Well, we had to hire one and we are not rich. Though it would make finances a lot better if we were. Nannies aren't cheap. But then again I wouldn't want to hire someone who is inexperienced and inexpensive.

It was difficult for me to hire a nanny. I mean, I knew I had to go back to work eventually, but it was one of those things that my husband and I didn't fully discuss until it was time. With the current economy and work being scarce, we weren't sure how much work my hubs, who is freelance, would have. So there was a possibility we wouldn't need a nanny.

But we do. And we hired one. And she starts Thursday and I am nervous and freaked out and curious and scared.

She had great references, was wonderful with the babies when we interviewed her, and Hans and I liked her very much.

It's just that the handing over of my kids to a virtual stranger is so damn scary to me.

I had this terrible thought that she would steal my babies and sell them.

I don't know WHY these horrific things pop in my head but they do.

Last night I had a dream that in one of the photos I took of Penelope there was an apparition that showed up and now today I am looking around like there are ghosts in the house.

There aren't. I've lived with a ghost before and this apartment doesn't have them.

Though maybe the ghost is a sign that someone is looking after the babies even when I am not around.

Nanny cam Casper.

Sigh. How am I going to do this?

What's with my period?

So I had the babies and bled and bled and bled for weeks afterward. But it wasn't my period. Something called lochia.

Good times.

My OBGYN gives me Jolivette birth control, the safe one to use when breastfeeding, and I left the office without asking when I should start taking the pill.

Usually they are taken the first Sunday after your period. But does my lochia count? Do I wait until a Sunday?

I called. Supposed to start taking right away. But I wait until a Sunday so I was in tune with the pill dispenser.

Three weeks pass. And I anticipate my period. Not coming. Not coming. Not coming.

I know I'm not pregnant again because, well, I haven't ventured there yet.

Yeah, it's been a while. Let's just say my hubs and I have been creative.

So I'm wondering where this period is since it's almost time to restart the new pack of pills.

I talked to my friend and new mom Michelle about it and she tells me that if you are breastfeeding, chances are you won't get your period.

Now why didn't my OBGYN tell me that?

As if I needed another reason to breastfeed for as long as possible...here is another!

Pregnancy weight loss: 39 pounds so far

I gained 58 pounds during my twin pregnancy.

Whoa.

I knew I was getting big, but it was kind of a gradual heft that came on, so I didn't feel huge...except for in my belly. And in my swollen legs and ankles, which I now know was due to my severe preeclampsia/HELLP syndrome.

I still looked really pregnant in the days after they were born. But now I just look like I eat a lot of cheeseburgers and drink a lot of beer.

I've lost 39 pounds so far. And that's 39 pounds from doing absolutely nothing. So it was encouraging when it started coming off. But there's still 19 pounds that haven't budged in weeks. So it's that 19 pounds that I have to work off to go to get back to pre-pregnancy weight.

I don't feel fat...until I step on the scale or try to squeeze into my pre-preg jeans -- a feat I attempt about once a week.

It's sad. I always end up feeling really frumpy.

First the jeans only went to about mid-thigh. Now I can get them up...with a lot of wiggling, but there is no way they are even close to zippering. Even if they were, I kind of look like a sausage stuffed in.

At least my boobs are massive so they balance out the bigger hips.

19 pounds.

I'm thinking of a workout routine I should start. I'd love an exercise bike.

But I'm also about to eat a cookie.

The twins smile in their sleep

I'm starting to get some smiles out of the kids, especially when I talk to them in a really high pitch voice. Hunter also loves when I kiss his cheeks and wiggle his little nose.

But the twins do a lot of sleep smiling, too.

It's hard to catch on film, but I got two good shots.

That's Penelope burritoed in the blue Miracle Blanket.

Sweeties!

Heart murmur almost stopped my heart

The twins had their two month doctor visit the other day and we got the great news that Hunter is now 7 pounds 2 ounces and Penelope is 6 pounds 13 ounces. Super for babies born under 5 pounds.

We also got the news that Penelope has a heart murmur.

The doctor told us not to be alarmed and that on a scale of one to ten, she would give it a .5. But still. This is my baby we are talking about...I'm going to worry and I am going to google what it means to have a heart murmur and I am going to freak out.

Then today, I catch up on the latest Project Runway and what is it about?! Designing for women who have heart disease and one of the women talks about her heart murmur. I know it just so happens to be heart health month, but still.

Since the doc isn't worried, I am trying my darndest not to be. She said we'll pay attention to it at each visit.

Yes, I even tried putting my ear to Penelope's tiny chest and listen in, but all I can hear is the most beautiful sounds ever.