Boots for swollen ankles? Not so fast

Yesterday when eating some French fries in the sidewalk seating section of a little place near my house, a girl walked by wearing boots. I don't wear boots until there is a fall-ness to the air because my feet get so hot, but the weatherperson said Monday would be Fall-like, so I was ready.

And happy.

The ankles are super swollen, and so are the feet. I can hide the unsightliness in boots! Perfect.

Not so fast.

My most favorite boots in the whole wide world are made by Frye. They are functional and fashionable (a very difficult feat for most footwear) and can hide the elephantiasis look I have going on below knee.

If only I could get them on.

I tried first on my left foot. Wouldn't budge past my heel.

I got my right foot in after a struggle. But left foot was a no-go.

Socks! I thought. Thinner socks!

Trying to take off my right boot almost hurt as much as my hemorrhoid. Almost.

I switched socks, and battled with the boots to get them on.

I have no idea how I'm going to get them off.

Craving of the day: egg salad

Today's craving is egg salad.

But not just any egg salad. Pret a Manger's egg salad provided I remove the onions.

OK, it's not a craving, it's an obsession.

I just finished one and can totally eat another.

Thank goodness I also bought a mini brownie.

And a yogurt with granola and honey.

And a lemonade.

Why is there hair growing out of my wrist?

Last night I was sewing curtains (how Holly Hobbie of me) and I felt a weird pinch on my wrist.

I took a look and it seemed as if I sewed a thread into myself. Which wouldn't be surprising...I've done all sorts of stupid things with my pregnant brain.

So I pulled on the inch and a half black "thread" and it wouldn't budge.

It was a freakin' hair! Coming out of my wrist like Spiderman's web. It was one and a half inches long!

When did it start growing? It must have just spurted out! I hadn't seen it before and I am very aware of what's going on with my body. Plus, it hurt. Like a pinch or a slight paper cut.

Want to see it?



Yes, that faint black line against the white wall is the hair. It's gone now, of course. I waited for hubs to get home to show him (I had to, it's something you had to see to believe). And he begged to tweeze it. But I wouldn't let him. I did it myself and it was almost as satisfying as popping a pimple. I'm gross, I know.

It was sharp with a hair follicle at the end, just like any hair.

I've had weird hairs grow out of my chin, my tummy even, but my wrist? What the heck is going on?

I am wolf woman.

Some moms don't like porn

I work at CafeMom, which is a social networking site for moms that also features editorial content -- that's the division I write for.

I have CafeMom "friends" in my social network -- women I have never met -- this is mainly how CafeMom works, unlike other social networks like Facebook where you are friends with your friends. At CafeMom you find women with similar interests or kids the same age or whatever it might be. Some of my friends are fantastic and I love chatting with them.

I have one friend that I don't have very much in common with, and that's great too, but recently our virtual relationship took a turn for the worse.

It all started when I joined a Group on CafeMom called Trashy SAHMs. Now I know I'm not a SAHM (stay at home mom), but they allow all moms to join provided you are into saying what you feel. Sounds like my kind of ladies and one of my other friends joined and told me about it, so I was in.

If you are someone's friend you can elect to have a setting to show what Groups your friends have joined. Trashy SAHMs logo is the image above. I know it's small, but it's the only one I can find. It's a topless pregnant woman drinking milk out of the carton with rollers in her hair. I thought it was pretty rad.

My one mom friend does not approve. She wrote to me saying she was offended by the porn. It's not even porn in my book, but to her I guess it is.

I wrote back saying I was confused as to why.

She responded...

I like you and I think you should consider your reputation...your association with a group like that, especially with that photo brazenly promoting it, could hurt you down the line. Keep in mind that other CafeMom gals might look up to you as a role model. For some gals, joining such a group could become a strong downward slide for them. Also, in this day of unrestrained porn, you make yourself a major target by announcing your preference for such groups...men think very differently than us and many of the CM pages are "open to everyone." You are seen around the world, where predators exist.

I know all of this seems trivial to you while young...if you have never been in these above-mentioned situations, it is hard to feel any concern. However, you are also a new mother who will have a big influence on her children. There is an old Scottish proverb that wisely states, "Start the way you want to finish."

A big hug and all encouragement to you, Michele...I see you as a leader and we have to maintain our integrity. If you believe in God, why not ask Him to confirm these reasons for backing out of the new group? Just tell Him you see nothing wrong with it and ask Him to show you proof from the Scriptures. His opinion is vastly more important than mine, that is for sure.

The one verse I can think of is this one: "Avoid all appearance of evil." Also, the phrase, "You are known by the company you keep."

Other leaders make decisions based upon who you run with...you could lose some benefits in life if pursuing this path, as time marches on. Is it worth it?


Well...she obviously doesn't know anything about me. And it's not like I am a child. I'm 36 years old. I wanted to write back: I didn't have to ask Him because He high-fived me back when I worked at Playgirl magazine...and had dozens of erotica short stories published...and got a book deal on how to sex up your vacations.

But in all seriousness, it did upset me. Here was my response:

I am starting the way I want to finish -- I am who I am and proud of it along with all my choices in life. We are obviously very different in our beliefs, and I think that is fantastic as I welcome everyone into my life. However, it does seem you are passing judgement on me and that makes me uncomfortable.

She hasn't de-friended me...yet.

I went on a babymoon!

Hans and I went on a four-day babymoon to Cape May, NJ. It was just a quick drive from our house and wow was it great.

I wish we had four more days there.

It was hot. HOT hot. And it did get a bit too much for me on the beach. But the hotel had a pool and that was nice.

I ate a lobster roll, shrimp scampi with linguine, hot fudge sundae, white clam chowder, bread pudding, and chocolate chip pancakes with bananas and real maple syrup. Oh those pancakes!

I didn't eat all of that in the same day or the same meal. But those were some of the food highlights.

I took lots of naps.

I drank lots of lemonade.

A butterfly even posed for me. I think that's good luck.



We looked at kids screaming and throwing tantrums and hoped that our kids would be well behaved.

Of course we know they won't always be. But we can hope.

Though they are already acting up. I think baby girl karate chopped baby boy who in turn punched me. They were both head down before we left according to our last sonogram, but I'm certain they turned. There was so much action I actually saw them move like little aliens under my skin.

And I rocked a bikini at the beach even though my belly is super hairy.



My boobs are fun.

This is my favorite picture of Hans. He's going to be such a great dad. Look at those eyelashes! I hope the kids get them.



Sure, the vacation wasn't like other vacations I've taken with my hubs...pre-pregnancy. But the lack of icy cold margaritas and hours getting frisky were replaced with thinking about baby names and singing and talking to my belly.

Awww.

I cried on the subway this morning

I had an emotional morning. And it wasn't because I didn't get a seat on the subway...I did...from a pretty lady in a cute brown dress. (Thank you...I wish I could wear that cute brown dress!)

At Jay Street/Borough Hall, three stops away from where I get on, there was a medical emergency two seats away from me.

A well-dressed young woman was slouched over her seat and the woman next to her noticed something was wrong...medically wrong, she wasn't intoxicated or sleepy. The entire car of people sprung into action. People called out for doctors and nurses, others stood in the door to prevent the train from leaving the station, others went looking for the conductor of train or police on the platform. And the whole time the woman who was ill was being tended to by two strangers.

I wanted to offer up my Honest Ade Superfruit Punch, but just as I was about to another woman gave her water.

The tears flowed from my eyes. Hard downpour.

I'm hormonal yes, but life is just so much more precious now, more fragile now that I am pregnant, now that I have two lives inside of me growing, depending on me to breathe, eat, be healthy.

That won't change once they're here either. I have a job, the most important one I will ever have, and that is to mother.

The conductor came, medical people arrived, and the woman was helped out of the subway car to the platform by even more people, caring for her even though they didn't know her.

It was beautiful to see people helping people like that.

A few moments later and we were on our way again. Like nothing ever happened. I dried my eyes, and hoped she was OK. My babies were kicking. I took that as a sign that she would be just fine.

Thank god it's cupcake day at work today.

My unborn son's penis

Sorry I have penises on the brain because I just saw my son's in the womb and my husband and I got into a discussion on how we hoped it would be a good size when he grew up.

So horrible, I know.

But hey, I'm being honest here. I think we all want what's best for our kids. In my case, an average size penis is on the what's best list.

Not at the top, but it's there.

I also hope it's not too too too big. That's not good either.

I'd also like to bet that the majority of moms and dads who had sons hoped the same thing. Whether they admit it or not.

And I'm not a size-ist...I'm just asking for average.

Thanks God. I know you are reading.

Name of the day: Tavis

Today's name of the day is Tavis. I'm saying it so it rhymes with Mavis, like Mavis Staples.

Tavis is a Scottish name for a boy meaning twin.

Hmmm...Mavis and Tavis.

Um...no.

I do like the name Mavis for a girl though.

I forgot to remember

Last night while in bed instead of counting sheep, I thought of a really great thing to share here. It was brilliant...or so I thought.

But now I forgot it.

Grunt! Pregnancy brain!

We moved!

After months of apartment hunting and seeing dozens of places, we finally found the right home and are all moved in.

But no. It's not as simple as that. Are any moves? Nope.

The movers we hired were great, but they did break almost all of my champagne glasses and all but three of my wine glasses we got as a wedding gift. Also broken were these super evil, half metal, totally goth looking goblets that my bro-in-law bought me one Christmas. One survived though. And that's the one I want to be sipping alcohol out of after I have the babies. With my feet up. And my hubs massaging them.

Also damaged was this seven plus year old IKEA wardrobe closet, that same bro-in-law once dropped in the snow during another move. It still lives however. We rigged it to make it usable.

No hot water first night. That's fixed now. But no electrical outlets are working in our bedroom, which is the only room upstairs, so it's not like we can run a cord up there. Our super, who actually is pretty super, said he will work on it. I trust.

It's also the first place I ever lived that did not have a toilet paper holder built into the wall. It's a new building, so maybe they phased that invention out? Still, every time I went potty, I reached for the wall. Funny how habits are.

I can say potty now. I'm prepping for motherhood.

The most amazing thing however is this other invention I never had before. It's called central air and it is the most incredible thing. I highly recommend it. It's a God-send for me especially since pregnant women run about ten degrees hotter than other people. I'm not sure of that stat, but that's how it feels. Possibly even 20.

We're still unpacking and will be for the next few days at least, but all the stress leading up to the move is finally gone. The arrival of the hot water made me really happy and my hubs is buying a free standing toilet paper holder so I stop grabbing at the wall.

I'm ready to really work on the nest egg. Things are good.

My birth story...well, my mom's birth story when she had me

I'm moving this weekend -- we hired movers so I don't have to lift a finger. Though packing (and soon unpacking) is always a nightmare.

We are moving to a place that has four floor to ceiling windows, so I've been busy sewing curtains because I'm crafty like that and well, blinds are just way too expensive.

Anyway, I interviewed my mom and asked her for the details of her birth story when she gave birth to me in 1972. I wrote about it over at CafeMom, too. Here it is:

I'm passing this over to my mom...

Before I got pregnant, one doctor told me I probably could not have children, since my uterus was too small. When I was ready to give birth, I told one of the nurses what the doctor said and she said, "Well your uterus sure did grow."

I had very little morning sickness during the pregnancy, just the smell of mustard in the morning made me sick. My husband worked nights and ate a sandwich when he came home and always left the knife in the sink...with the mustard on it!

I remember when I first told him I was pregnant. I was crying, you know, happy tears. He was so thrilled -- he had to tell everyone. I liked being pregnant -- it felt good and the end result is just fabulous.

Michele's due date was October 26th -- that came and went. A few days later the doctor told me to go to the hospital since I was late -- they wanted to induce me on Halloween. I didn't want her to be born on that day, so I told them I'd be back in a few days. I went back on November 2nd.

I was in labor for about six hours at Interboro Hospital in East New York, Brooklyn. In the middle of it all, they took me to X-ray since I was not dialating. I could hear the technicians saying that the baby was bigger than the mother. Needless to say, I was scared shit! The nurse I had was not very compassionate. They also shaved me.

Eventually, they broke my water with what I thought was a big knitting needle, they gave me Sodium Pentothal, which if you ask me does nothing. They also gave me Ether at the end, which was also ridiculous since she was already coming out.

I gained a total of 30 pounds. Michele was born at 4:45pm on November 2, 1972. She was 7 pounds 11 ounces and I think 21 inches long.

Things have improved with regards to childbirth now -- women have become more informed and since I had Jen (my younger daughter) naturally I can say it was much less scary.

It's amazing how far we've come isn't it?

Garbage men rule

Garbage men are under appreciated. I think. I've talked about how they always feed me compliments, which is always nice, on my other blog Provocateur. (It's a terribly neglected blog.)

So yesterday, two blocks into my walk to the train in the morning, already sweaty, 19 weeks pregnant, and not feeling the slightest bit cute, a garbage man says to me: Nice tats.

I smiled and thanked him.

Then I realized that it sort of sounded like he said nice tits. Which is fine with me because hey, they are pretty swell. (Swell being the right word to use.) And I almost feel x-rated sometimes because they burst out of everything I own.

Garbage men rule.

Name of the day: Addergoole

I added this name of the day feature on My Yahoo! and each day it gives me five names, mix of boy and girl. I haven't seen one I like for my babies on there yet, but some of the names are really unique.

One of today's names of the day is Addergoole.
It's an Irish boys name and it means "from between two fords."

Um...what's a ford? It's a river or stream. I had to look it up I only knew ford as a type of car and a former President.

I like the name Addie for a girl, but the name Addergoole isn't speaking to me for my boy.

Names are so hard.

OK skin, you officially suck

My skin is a mess. Not just a little bit, a lotta bit. I've always had some acne, but this is just insane. And it's pimples unlike any pimples I've had before -- and I've had a lot of pimples!

To make matters worse, my aesthetician called me the other day to see how I was feeling in my pregnancy. I love her -- when I get a facial from her, my skin glows. But I really cannot afford her services right now and besides, the thought of laying flat on my back for an hour when 19 weeks pregnant while someone is picking at my face sounds like torture.

I haven't called her back yet...which is lame of me, but I feel like I will hear her voice and before long I'll be crying out for skin help and book an appointment. I wish it was my birthday so someone would buy me a facial. But I have three months to go. Maybe I'll text her hello. No...she'll just call back. Ugh.

They say that when you are having a girl, she steals your beauty. I don't know who they are, but in my case, any beauty I might have once had in my face is definitely stolen. It's a good thing my twins aren't both girls or I wouldn't be able to leave the house.

I just had a feeling I already wrote about this topic. My brain is fried...I'm working on about four hours of shuteye. Getting up to pee in the middle of the night is terrible -- I have such a hard time getting back to sleep and my mind races.

I hate that I have been complaining so much. There I go -- I complained about complaining.

I better shut it for now. Maybe I'll have a lemonade.

Men & babies melt my heart

My friends Mike and Michelle just welcomed daughter Jillian on July 7th. I've known Mike for oh about 20 plus years (damn, we're old) and he met me way back in my nerd days of 8th grade.

Mike is like a brother to me and when Michelle entered his life, I knew she was a keeper -- beautiful, smart, down-to-earth -- I was so happy they met. They had a magical wedding a few years ago and I'm so thrilled about the birth of their beautiful daughter.

Sadly, they live about two hours away so I don't get to see them that much, but Michelle has been keeping me updated by email and sent along some photos. I have loved getting her insight on pregnancy, learning from her experience, and love the non-mainstream books she passed on to me on pregnancy and becoming a mom.

This photo of Mike and Jillian melted my heart. Look at her hair! She's like a little doll, just perfect.

Michelle told me how incredible it is to see Mike with Jillian...and wow...I cannot wait for that.