My first two weeks as a mom

I had plans of writing what happened each day from the time my twins were born. But that hasn't happened. Recovery, sneaking in naps, and a hazy blur of days turning into nights into day again has kept me from jotting anything down.

Here I am, a little over two weeks into motherhood and I have a little time. Though Penelope is stirring...not sure how much time I actually have.

Days 1 through 5, I was in the hospital. A flurry of blood pressure checks, being poked with needles, learning how to get out of bed after a c-section, learning how to breastfeed, learning which twin is which. It was exhausting and scary and beautiful.

My mom stayed with us for the first week to help us out. Hans and I decided to sleep on the pull out bed in the living room so I didn't have to go upstairs to our bedroom (you should avoid stairs when recovering from a c-section).

When my mom folded up the bed on my second day home while I was in the shower, I cried. I wanted to shower, then lay back down. I didn't mean to make her feel bad, but it just brought me to tears. Lots of tears.

I cried every day for the next six days in the shower. It was my time to be alone, to let out my frustrations of taking long too heal, my jiggly belly hurting with each sob.

I felt pathetic.

I cried right before a 3am feeding when I tried to sit up and felt an intense burning above my incision.

I cried after a sneeze from the pain.

I cried and cried and cried.

I wasn't sad about being a mom...I was sad about not being able to be 100 percent mom because I was still recovering.

Two weeks in and the crying has eased. My showers are happier, the swelling in my legs and feet has gone down.

I did cry yesterday when looking into my son's eyes, but that was a happy cry. A I can't believe I am so blessed kind of cry.

It gets better each day.