My belly button is so happy I'm pregnant

I have just had a laughing fit so outrageous that tears streamed out of my eyes. And it's all because of my belly button.

I should be crying really. Or throwing up at the sheer grossness.

You see, I have a small belly button. Big (round) twin mama belly. It sure is basketball-like, isn't it?

And the small belly button is starting to pop out. Just in one spot, but as my husband likes to say "the dirt of a thousand years is ready to come out."

I'm not a thousand years old yet, but it sure is dirty in there and I never knew it because, well, I could never see inside it before.

Let it be know I hate my belly button. I freak out when it's touched and it just creeps me out in general.

I had a half day Friday today and my doula had to cancel on our visit since one of her other mamas was giving birth. So I had so time to...clean my belly button.

I googled how to do it -- alcohol and Q-tips. And I embarked on my mission.

It started off well -- real results on that cotton swab and I saw a tiny beauty mark inside there that I never knew I had. But then I unearthed a stubborn piece of a brownish-black blob of something that wouldn't budge.

Enter my hubs and the tweezers.

Which probably would be frowned upon by those in the medical community, but something needed to be done. This was, what I feel, a health hazard to have this filth in my go-to-nowhere hole.

I mean, it's kind of like the pathway to my soul. It should be clean.

After several attempts and many laughing fits, hubs got "it" out. He said it may contain fibers from clothing I wore in 1982. He may be right.

I didn't take a photo of it...unlike that mysterious hair growing out of my wrist (which hasn't returned yet, thank God)...but it looked like a black booger and smelled wretched.

I had to smell it. Wouldn't you?

I'm happy to report my belly button is all clean. Perhaps my soul is brighter now that the dirt has been removed.