I work at CafeMom, which is a social networking site for moms that also features editorial content -- that's the division I write for.
I have CafeMom "friends" in my social network -- women I have never met -- this is mainly how CafeMom works, unlike other social networks like Facebook where you are friends with your friends. At CafeMom you find women with similar interests or kids the same age or whatever it might be. Some of my friends are fantastic and I love chatting with them.
I have one friend that I don't have very much in common with, and that's great too, but recently our virtual relationship took a turn for the worse.
It all started when I joined a Group on CafeMom called Trashy SAHMs. Now I know I'm not a SAHM (stay at home mom), but they allow all moms to join provided you are into saying what you feel. Sounds like my kind of ladies and one of my other friends joined and told me about it, so I was in.
If you are someone's friend you can elect to have a setting to show what Groups your friends have joined. Trashy SAHMs logo is the image above. I know it's small, but it's the only one I can find. It's a topless pregnant woman drinking milk out of the carton with rollers in her hair. I thought it was pretty rad.
My one mom friend does not approve. She wrote to me saying she was offended by the porn. It's not even porn in my book, but to her I guess it is.
I wrote back saying I was confused as to why.
She responded...
I like you and I think you should consider your reputation...your association with a group like that, especially with that photo brazenly promoting it, could hurt you down the line. Keep in mind that other CafeMom gals might look up to you as a role model. For some gals, joining such a group could become a strong downward slide for them. Also, in this day of unrestrained porn, you make yourself a major target by announcing your preference for such groups...men think very differently than us and many of the CM pages are "open to everyone." You are seen around the world, where predators exist.
I know all of this seems trivial to you while young...if you have never been in these above-mentioned situations, it is hard to feel any concern. However, you are also a new mother who will have a big influence on her children. There is an old Scottish proverb that wisely states, "Start the way you want to finish."
A big hug and all encouragement to you, Michele...I see you as a leader and we have to maintain our integrity. If you believe in God, why not ask Him to confirm these reasons for backing out of the new group? Just tell Him you see nothing wrong with it and ask Him to show you proof from the Scriptures. His opinion is vastly more important than mine, that is for sure.
The one verse I can think of is this one: "Avoid all appearance of evil." Also, the phrase, "You are known by the company you keep."
Other leaders make decisions based upon who you run with...you could lose some benefits in life if pursuing this path, as time marches on. Is it worth it?
Well...she obviously doesn't know anything about me. And it's not like I am a child. I'm 36 years old. I wanted to write back: I didn't have to ask Him because He high-fived me back when I worked at Playgirl magazine...and had dozens of erotica short stories published...and got a book deal on how to sex up your vacations.
But in all seriousness, it did upset me. Here was my response:
I am starting the way I want to finish -- I am who I am and proud of it along with all my choices in life. We are obviously very different in our beliefs, and I think that is fantastic as I welcome everyone into my life. However, it does seem you are passing judgement on me and that makes me uncomfortable.
She hasn't de-friended me...yet.
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